Tap anything on the table. Every piece tells you what it is and when it’s yours.
Plates
Cutlery
Glasses
Also on the table
Customs
Sit where you’re placed
The couple planned the seating with care. Sit at your card and get to know your tablemates. Source
Wait for your table
Start each course once everyone at your table has been served, and stay put during the speeches. Source
Stay seated for toasts
Only the speaker stands, unless they ask everyone to rise. Stay in your seat and listen. Source
Phone on silent
Silence it, or better, switch it off. Guests on their phones end up in the couple’s photos. Source
Stay for the cake
Once the cake is cut, it’s generally fine to head out. Before you go, find the couple and the hosts to say thank you. Source
Plate · Under the dinner plate
Charger
The big decorative plate that sets the scene. You never eat off it.
- When
- On the table when you sit down. It often stays until the meal is cleared.
- How
- Leave it alone. The salad plate and then the dinner plate are set on top of it and taken away in turn.
- Why
- It gives every seat at a long banquet table the same neat footprint, so places line up.
Source: Crystal Signature Events, How to Set a Formal Table
Plate · Center of your place
Dinner plate
Your main-course plate. Find it and you have found your seat’s layout.
- When
- The main course. At a plated reception it usually comes out of the kitchen with the food on it.
- How
- Everything you eat for the main goes here. Bread stays on the little plate to your left.
- Why
- Forks sit to its left, knives to its right, and drinks above the knife, so this plate is your anchor.
Source: Crystal Signature Events, How to Set a Formal Table
Linen · On the plate
Napkin
Lap first, as soon as you are seated. Leave it there until you go.
- When
- The moment you sit down, and again when you leave the table for good.
- How
- A large one stays folded in half on your lap. Off to dance or say hi to the couple: loosely on your chair. Leaving: loosely beside your plate.
- Why
- Anyone serving the room can tell from your napkin whether you are coming back.
Source: Etiquette Scholar, Napkin Etiquette
Cutlery · Outermost on the left
Salad fork
The smaller fork, on the outside. It goes first, with the salad.
- When
- The salad, usually the first course served at a reception.
- How
- Work from the outside in. When you finish, leave it on the salad plate so it’s cleared with it.
- Why
- Cutlery is laid in the order of the courses, so the next piece is always the outermost one.
Source: Emily Post Institute, The Formal Place Setting
Cutlery · Left, next to the plate
Dinner fork
The bigger fork, closest to the plate. For the main course.
- When
- The main course.
- How
- Left hand while you cut; switch it to your right to eat if you like, or keep it in your left. Both are fine.
- Why
- Plenty of Americans eat Continental style, so nobody will notice either way.
Source: Emily Post Institute, Continental Style Dining
Cutlery · Right, next to the plate
Dinner knife
Right of the plate, blade facing in. For the main course.
- When
- The main course.
- How
- Cut a bite or two at a time. Between bites, rest it along the top edge of your plate, never on the tablecloth.
- Why
- Blade inward means the sharp edge never points at the guest beside you.
Source: Candace Smith Etiquette, Table Setting Etiquette
Cutlery · Above the plate, handle left
Cake fork
The small fork lying above your plate. It waits there for the cake.
- When
- After the couple cuts the cake and slices come to the tables.
- How
- When your slice arrives, bring the fork down beside the plate and eat with it. No spoon needed for most cakes.
- Why
- Dessert is the one exception to outside in: its cutlery waits above the plate.
Source: Crystal Signature Events, How to Set a Formal Table
Other · Above the plate
Place card
Your name, at your seat. The couple chose it for you, so sit there.
- When
- When you reach your table, before dinner begins.
- How
- Find your name and take that chair. Don’t swap cards to sit with friends; you can visit them later.
- Why
- The couple planned who sits where, and ignoring the chart just causes confusion.
Source: Zola, Dos and Don’ts for Wedding Guests
Plate · Top left
Bread plate
The small plate on your left. Your neighbor’s is on their left.
- When
- From the start of the meal, whenever rolls come round.
- How
- Put your roll here, tear off one bite, and butter just that piece.
- Why
- At a crowded round table it is easy to grab the wrong one. b for bread, on the left; d for drink, on the right.
Source: Emily Post Institute, B & D for Bread and Drink
Cutlery · Across the bread plate
Butter knife
The short knife lying on your bread plate. It is only for butter.
- When
- With the bread, from the first course on.
- How
- Move a pat of butter to your bread plate, then spread it on each bite from there.
- Why
- Its handle points to the right, ready for your right hand.
Source: Emily Post Institute, The Formal Place Setting
Glass · Above the knife
Water glass
The glass straight above your knife. That one is yours.
- When
- All through dinner and the dancing.
- How
- At a crowded round table, find your plate first: the water above your knife is yours.
- Why
- Drinks always sit on the right, so your glasses are the ones by your right hand.
Source: Candace Smith Etiquette, Placing Wine Glasses on Your Table
Glass · Right of the water glass
Wine glass
The rounder wine glass, just right of your water.
- When
- With dinner, usually from the main course.
- How
- Servers usually ask red or white and pour for you, so no need to reach for the bottle.
- Why
- Holding it by the stem keeps your hand from warming the wine.
Source: Candace Smith Etiquette, Placing Wine Glasses on Your Table
Glass · Above and right of the water glass
Champagne flute
The tall, narrow glass. It’s filled for the toasts.
- When
- Poured just before the toasts begin.
- How
- Leave it until the toast ends, then raise it and take a sip. Not drinking? Toast with whatever is in your glass.
- Why
- Nobody needs to drain it: a sip is all a toast asks.
Source: Emily Post Institute, All About Toasting